Chris Borgia

8:10Pm on 14 January 2004 Just got in my car then I had to go drop off some or exchange or return some DVDRs, get 50 bucks back in my pocket. Lots going on. It's been a while since I've recorded getting in the habit of not recording an entry every time I have desire to but today the desire was relatively strong due to events that occurred throughout all the day and the last couple of hours, starting with early on in the day school and my insatiable desire to optimize and plan out my future in school and try to make it as fast friendly and you know, enjoy as possible fast being priority. Because I feel I'm at the age right now where a couple more years of school would do me good, but another six or seven years of school might do me in.

But all that said, without going into the details of thought that I ever had before, I made up my mind, my mind has been made up and I'm going to not try to rush into grad school for the false 2005 year, but instead the fall 2006 year adds another year schooling necessary but and although I could achieve the 2005 fall goal, I will not have the credentials necessary to be matched favorably for candidacy at the good schools.

It's a very competitive field, at least counselors, administrators, websites claim it is. I have no reason to doubt them, but my initial intent was to get five, six, seven classes under my belt per semester, be in line for completion of my bachelor's degree by the summer of 2005.

Oh, wait a second, the summer of 2005?

No, the summer.

Wait a second, confusing myself here. But ultimately I was going to try to finish school at the bachelor level within the next four semesters. That you know, is very possible. But at the same time that would require full time study, very little time for work, and stretching myself thin like that. Of course, very little time for a girlfriend, and very little time for any bit of life or entrepreneurial activity that I still like to engage in or any pursuit of an acting dream. So although all of those were not necessarily at the forefront of thought while making this decision, it was primarily putting myself in a position where I can apply for Harvard or for Stanford or NYU or Columbia or any other desirable school that I'd like to go to and not second guess my chances. Because had I gone through and not taken less classes and taken more time to go through school, I would have been forced to go through as many classes as possible.

Research in psychology would be hard to obtain when you're so dedicated to other classes of school that it wouldn't be good not to have research on my application for graduate school. Not to mention the fact that my GRE test scores would probably not reflect what I'd want them to be because I wouldn't have that much time to study for the gre.

So it just makes. The more I think about it, it makes more sense in the outcome of my thought earlier today and after several hours of web surfing and checking websites out of schools and talking to undergraduate admissions person at ucf, I think I made the decision and I think it's pretty firm. But we all know, and I'm this close to making a decision and then go in the complete opposite direction as it stands right now. And I don't feel this is one of those things that I'm going to teeter totter much of because I pretty much have to make a decision.

And most of that decision was forced not from my own desire to figure it out, because God knows I've always desired to figure it out, but from the fact that I have to pay for my FAU classes, my Italian II classes, if I wanted to not pay the $50 charge. But I didn't pay it today because had I paid for them, I would have definitely gone to class. And I feel like I'm taking on too much school this semester. So I was trying to debate whether or not I can give up the Italian two class ticket in the summer because I do need to take Italian 2. But right now with the work and I don't know the research I want to do for psychology or I have to do everything requires time. And I just don't have an infinite amount of.

Even if I did, I enjoy so many aspects of life that I want to give appropriate time to other passions, not just school. And that would pretty much put me in a just school scenario. So here I am playing the hand I was dealt. So I came to school a little late. I got to deal with it. I had five years of life experience. Okay, served me well. Don't let it, you know, don't let that be a.

A reason to not think clearly about the proper steps to take in school to get to where you need to be. And thinking clearly to me is, well, I'm going to have to wait another year to go into grad school because I'm going to take my time, make sure I do good in gre. I'm going to take my time, not take seven or six classes a semester, going to do what I have to do to make ends meet financially so I can have my own place. I'm going to have a nicer car.

Got to figure things out. Rushing things is not good Anyway, so that was today and that prompted enough thought alone for me to want to get on this recorder and talk.

But on top of that I just watched a good movie. I joined Netflix this month. So I've watched, you know, a good 15 movies or so this last couple of weeks. But I'm going to go ahead and cancel the subscription because I spent so much time at school and worrying about Netflix movies and trying to get them out on time so I can get a new one so I make it more valuable for myself. All that just too much right now. So I'm going to stop the Netflix a couple days after I get a couple more movies under my belt for my 30 day period.

I'm going to borrow movies from Jeremy, I'll borrow movies from Maria. God knows between the two of them I got about 500 movies to choose from.

The movie I watched today was All About Eve. Have never seen it. It was recommended from Netflix. So Netflix does do good because it was a great movie, Great acting story.

Definitely something that stood the test of time but something that is a little older and you do get to get a sense, a feeling, a vibe from movie making in the past. I like that. I like when an older movie stands on its own two feet.

The movie was also beneficial because it got me excited again about acting and about theatre acting in particular. Although it over glorified certain aspects of theatre which are obviously.

Few and far between. It's not everyday life that you have friends and status and financial security from those kind of working conditions. Theater and high society.

Theater.

I look forward to my theater class starting at the end of this month.

What else? Tomorrow's Thursday. I have not studied for statistics. Don't necessarily feel a need to study for developmental psychology. That's going to be an easy A.

Don't necessarily feel the need to study for public speaking. That's going to be an easy A. And when I say easy I don't mean easy for everybody. I mean easy for me.

It is fairly late. It's about 8:20 almost at Copier says when I get there I'll return these things, maybe walk around a little bit, then go to Circuit City, walk around a little bit more. But I'm kind of hunked and I don't want to start looking for food after it's too late. So I'll probably end up I'M not waiting until 9 o' clock until they close to leave. I'll wait a little.

I want to spend a little bit of time there, get out, try to find something to eat. Gonna go home, study a little bit of statistics. Although I know I don't have a quiz tomorrow, I do want to be up to speed. You're going really fast in that class and seeing that there's a good chance I might bail on the whole Italian level too, this semester thing, I have absolutely no excuse for not focusing my attention on statistics, biology, psychology, public speaking, and then ultimately later in the semester, theater.

So that decision is almost made. And the reason why I feel comfortable in making that decision is, as I said earlier, if I'm going to be in school for my bachelor's for another two years, Why rush it? Take more classes than you need to. Five classes a semester. Skipping summer will do it. You're obviously not going to skip summer, but your summer will be dedicated to maybe three classes, four classes, classes at the most, research and GRE studying.

So with that being said, I could ease the tension of forcing myself into multiple.

I won't say multiple, because of course multiple, but more than five classes this semester, not including lab, which would make it six.

Anyway, talking to you about passionate things or life rather enjoyable, but I am driving and driving while talking about such strong emotions, feelings, thoughts inside of me. It's quite distracting, so I'm maneuvering myself around cars as we speak. I feel as if maybe I should stop talking, but I also feel as if I haven't expressed all the thoughts I want to express seeing that I haven't talked to this nature in a good two, three weeks.

Upon reflection of the last time I did talk to this thing, I do believe I was quite pissed off because not pissed off, but I talked for quite some time into it, paused it and talked some more for like another 10 minutes or so of pretty significant recording and I was never recorded.

For the first time in a long time I felt let down. Even though for all intents and purposes this thing, as I've said many times in the past, is purely for my own therapeutic.

Anyway, it did serve as that before, but also pissed me off because it wasn't recorded. So it's been sitting there and now as I got out, I wanted to pick it up, I wanted to talk. I did talk. If I think of anything else, which I'm sure I will, I'll come back in and say something. If not, then I'll see you later. A lot of things going on. Not nearly as necessary for me to go into detail about all the things in my mind as I previously thought was necessary the last couple of years. Who knows how long I'll sustain this thought on recording journals. Oh, I didn't want to say Right now I am bald and beautiful. Clear and shaped on the eyebrow, clear in the skin, feeling good. Wanted to get out of the house, get away from technology. Myself and my grandmother might get away from in a negative way, but I want to be exposed to more than those three things, which is essentially all I really get a chance to delve in. Anyway, that's that. Bye.